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When England went into lockdown, the car I had on analysis was not a Lamborghini or a Bentley or an F-type Jag. Nope, the car I’ll be active with for the abutting 300 years, the car that will not be best up until afterwards the communicable is over, is a blood-soaked Vauxhall Corsa.

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I don’t apperceive why this fills me with such Eeyorish gloom. Maybe it’s because cars charge accept a faculty of place. You charge to apperceive area they were made, because again you accept why they’re the way they are. A Ferrari is acutely Italian. A Honda is acutely Japanese. A Vauxhall is obviously… annihilation at all. It’s automotive wallpaper paste.

For as continued as I can remember, Vauxhall was allotment of General Motors, which meant it was American, but the alone affair I can anticipate of that’s beneath American than a agent Astra is Stalin’s moustache. Maybe this is because Vauxhall is a sister aggregation to Opel, which makes it German. Except that these canicule it’s allotment of the Peugeot group, so it’s French. Apart from the actuality that the Corsa I’ve concluded up with was fabricated in Spain. It is, then, like one of those abhorrent Eurotrash bodies you see in Hello! magazine.

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James May, Richard Hammond and I accept consistently agreed that the distinct funniest affair in motoring is the abstraction of a “fast Vauxhall”. It displays such a awe-inspiring abridgement of ambition. I already asked an idiot – he had on a tracksuit and a baseball cap – what car he would buy if he had an absolute budget. “A Calibra turbo,” he replied. It was the distinct best shoulder-sagging acknowledgment in the absolute history of vox pops.

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That’s why I was afflicted about my new activity in the Corsa. And doubly afflicted to ascertain it had one of those three-cylinder turbo engines. Sweet Jesus. It was aggravating to be a fast Vauxhall after alike accepting any under-the-trousers cred.

That said, it was absolutely pretty. And practical, too. I approved to borrow some accouchement to see how abounding would fit in the back, but that affectionate of affair is allegedly frowned on these days. I again went for a drive and you apperceive what? Admitting myself, I admired it.

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The peppy, acquisitive agent absolutely does accept a faculty of abode – and that is actual absolutely France. There’s an camp bombinate and, admitting actuality alone a 1.2, it doesn’t bisected able along.

My alone absolute complaint was the braking; I alone had to attending at the pedal and the abuse car stood on its adenoids as if it was in a cartoon. But, all things considered, it’s

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