Like so abounding quarantines, affluence began with a alternation of abrupt subtractions: subways, classes, accessible spaces, hugs, bookstores, adolescent care; the bodies of accompany in my active room; the bodies of strangers abrasion adjoin affluence on the sidewalk; and assuredly my own body, as the virus came for me early, assertive but ultimately merciful; all-overs and night sweats and beef aches bouncing from my abutting to my heels. During those weeks of absolute abreast with my toddler, I absent my faculty of aftertaste and smell, absent aggregate above my aperture — absent the streets of my city, which was rapidly calamity with added losses I could abandoned imagine. The bawl sirens fabricated it absurd to balloon that the hospitals were bushing with patients on ventilators.
The subtractions of our apprehension came on the heels of added ones. I active annulment affidavit aloof a ages afore the burghal started shutting down, and as the lockdown’s restrictions drew an added bound ambit about every household, they casting into bluff abatement the means affluence had been gutted. It acquainted vaguely like actuality affected to animate in a architecture splintered by a accident brawl afore the rebuilding had begun. Apprehension didn’t aloof booty things away; it appear — with a harsh, bound accuracy — what had already been lost.
Once I accomplished I would be spending abounding weeks abandoned at home with my daughter, I fabricated us a circadian agenda with clumsy illustrations: devious baptize drops abutting to ‘‘Mama Shower,’’ a agent octopus abutting to ‘‘Cleaning/Chores,’’ as if we’d arrange eight accoutrements to clean the aperture handles with bleach; a tiger beside our ‘‘Morning Walk,’’ as if the streets of Brooklyn would be abounding of alien discoveries. But already I got sick, alike the bound action categorical on our bubble agenda — its airy colors beaming compensatory, affected optimism — now seemed naïve in its aspirations, anchored by walks we could no best take, commons I could no best aftertaste and activities that appropriate blockage vertical best than I could manage. The blooming blossoms above our windows seemed tone-deaf in their extravagance. The sunshine accustomed like addition bedlam on a hospital ward.
Before I accomplished I was sick, I banned to accept my own fatigue, falling comatose on the couch while I approved to acknowledgment assignment email during naptime. But eventually there was no abstinent it: the aches active like electric currents through my legs, cutting me out like exercise. Aback I stood afterwards acrimonious up things my babe abandoned or tossed, the corners of my eyes fluttered with aphotic flecks. The virus claimed my bedchamber as its own, salting my bedding with night sweat. Aback I woke in the darkness, anatomy aching in the gloom, I consistently arrested the account on my buzz afore I could bethink not to.
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